Living Within Samsara

What people think of me is none of my business. I want to, in tandem with episodes from my life, show how this philosophy gets reconciled with truth, peace, spiritual growth and integrity. And furthermore, how anyone can achieve this impeccable ideal. Learn how to avoid the pitfalls of crazy-makers, gossip-mongerers, chaos junkies, and provocateurs of drama triangles. Learn to quit being a victim of other peoples’ words. [Hints and specific instructions included.]

Do you have a loved one or relative who drinks? This is a memoir of what I went through.

Because of my own battles with alcoholism, I was finally able to love my relative completely and wholly without expecting her to stop drinking. Because I found a solution for my problem, it also helped me to find a solution for “life’s problem.” I am so grateful I did have a second chance at life because it got me to a place of accepting my beloved’s illness along with accepting her. I credit this acceptance with my Codependent recovery after I got sober - that I never could have understood UNTIL I got sober.

If you don’t have a drinking problem, I can still offer you some resources - for YOU - if you have a relative or loved one who drinks.

Do you or have you spent a large portion of your life insuring that people like you? Have you bent over backwards for people you may not even know, only to try to get them to like you? Do you or have you ever extensively worried whether someone likes you or not? If you seem to find yourself in a never-ending circle of not feeling good [or not liking yourself due to] caring too much about other peoples’ opinions or you seem to be the walking low self-esteemer then read this article that focuses on the 2nd Agreement: “Do not Take Anything Personally” from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. You can escape this cycle. If I could then anyone can.

Hopefully this article can delve a little into how we can make some perception shifts and small changes so that our *insensitive* world either does not seem so insensitive or, even better, that we begin to not notice the insensitivity! When we truly do honor who we are, the opinions of other people do not matter! So getting to this self-acceptance seems to be the key doesn’t it? How do we that? Hopefully this article will give us that solution. This article is especially geared for the HSP’s or multisensories but can help anyone who feels *more different or odd* than the *normals* of the world.

How often I was at the whim of the world, constantly waiting for permission to take care of myself…But now today, after having developed my voice and after readjusting my priorities to putting my spiritual growth as a priority over societal expectations, I notice just how many people are seemingly comfortable with the dis-ease that says, “We do have power over other people.” Is it any wonder why alcoholism, codependency, emotional and mental illness is growing now increasingly more common? (How many pills can big pharma really invent before we begin to notice the larger picture? it’s not us! it’s *societal dis-ease*!) From shaming and blaming techniques to manipulation and steamrolling tactics with “shoulding you* over what you *shoulda* done. Who are the few chosen to stand up in the face of this worldly dis-ease? If you choose to be one, I will stand with you as I share *my* stories and *my* experience, strength and hope. You are not alone. So take care of yourself. You ARE the most important person. [This is one of my longer articles but I hope it brings something of value to you.]

After several messages of friends online asking “How do I help an alcoholic friend stop drinking?” I knew, then, I needed to do something. Therefore I am going to offer some easy points. But before you take off with these points, I am sure to have some Al-Anons or Codependents who’ve arrived at this page and their mouths may be agape with the thought, “I knew it! I knew it was possible! I knew I could get him to stop drinking! They never told me this in Al-Anon!” Well. There is a little more to it than that. :)

I think we associate ‘No’ with negative as in negative feelings and negative consequences. I know I used to. As a child, being told ‘No” was usually accompanied by a look or a tone. As a result, I think I grew up thinking No was just ‘bad.’ As a further extension of this, I avoided saying it - ever. I would go so far as to end relationships in secrecy so I wouldn’t have to say No. I don’t know what I thought would happen - that the world would end?

‘Controlling codependent bitch’ was a term that showed up in my internet logs last night as a search. I feel the person’s pain who made that search. Sick of being controlled and manipulated by people in our lives until we’re overwraught ourselves to the breaking point. This article is an example of me being put to the test.

What does this statement mean and should we be striving for peace as heavily as we do? Is there something that we’re overlooking first? With the USA on fire with political divisiveness I can’t help but think: While one side scrambles to make sense from nonsense, is the other side begging for peace at all costs? I wonder if something may be getting overlooked.

I am the most important person. And it is all about me. This means if I want to help you, extend myself to you, or be of service to you, I have to put me first. This also means I don?t have to help you if I don?t want to and the reason is none of your business. If this sounds even kind of cutting edge to you…welcome to my world. It’s a great place to live.

Or what about when I see someone trying to control me by punishing me. What if they really are trying to teach me a lesson or make me suffer? What about that? Is there such a thing as righteously thinking or really knowing someone is trying to punish, hurt, shame, blame me?

I controlled the mismanagement by harming myself. I look at it as trying to drown it away, starve it away, crap it out, sweeten it up, and then cut it out. So what is codependency and why is it so harmful?

I define a codependent relationship to simply be any relationship in which one or both partner/s turn over their own autonomy for well-being into the hands of the other. The question then becomes: How can you heal from it after you recognize it?

Somewhere in one of Melody Beattie’s books she makes it clear that when we grieve as we engage this process of recovery that we are not insane. Please do not let it absorb when anyone tries convincing you otherwise. Grief is not insanity. Grief may be painful but it’s not insane.