Living Within Samsara

Alcoholism is not just for adults. These 7 episodes reflect only a small glimpse into my alcoholic past as a kid; Episodes of drunken debauchery or alcoholic misconduct that jumped into my head as soon as I began writing after a friend tagged me for a “7 Things About Me” meme. These are by no means my worst drunkenly imbibed feats of idiocy, just the ones I feel I can safely share without too much of a backlash on my self-esteem or emails from irate parents. [Resources for kids who may be alcoholic follow the 7 episodes. Parents, if you have a potential alcoholic child in your household, I would encourage you to read this together with the emphasis being that if *I* can recover, so can anyone.]

What people think of me is none of my business. I want to, in tandem with episodes from my life, show how this philosophy gets reconciled with truth, peace, spiritual growth and integrity. And furthermore, how anyone can achieve this impeccable ideal. Learn how to avoid the pitfalls of crazy-makers, gossip-mongerers, chaos junkies, and provocateurs of drama triangles. Learn to quit being a victim of other peoples’ words. [Hints and specific instructions included.]

There are other ways to stop drinking besides Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous has no monopoly on sobriety, even though the [outside issue of] Courts sentencing people to A.A. meetings is becoming more and more common. Alcoholics Anonymous, through the 12 Traditons, neither endorses nor opposes any cause and that includes other ways to get or stay sober as well as Court mandated meetings. Along this same vein, belies the idea that A.A. is the only path to sobriety. This is not true. And every A.A. member who is “practicing these principles in all their affairs” will tell you the same thing. This article will address some fundamental questions and hopefully dispel some misconceptions, as well as offer my own experience, strength, and hope along with other resources for different avenues to sobriety. So yes. A person can stop drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous; it is but one path.

Reconstructing Rick, with a byline reading “An Addict Trying to Recover” is a blog told from the mind of a newly recovering drug addict who’s been through the trenches of hell itself and has managed to escape. When drugs, sexual exploitation, street living, and prostitution is what you’ve known for so many years, Rick offers what it’s like to learn a different way of life. His is yet another journey within Samsara. Follow his journey. I am.

Do you have a loved one or relative who drinks? This is a memoir of what I went through.

Because of my own battles with alcoholism, I was finally able to love my relative completely and wholly without expecting her to stop drinking. Because I found a solution for my problem, it also helped me to find a solution for “life’s problem.” I am so grateful I did have a second chance at life because it got me to a place of accepting my beloved’s illness along with accepting her. I credit this acceptance with my Codependent recovery after I got sober - that I never could have understood UNTIL I got sober.

If you don’t have a drinking problem, I can still offer you some resources - for YOU - if you have a relative or loved one who drinks.

Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are for alcoholics. Increasingly, though, more and more addicts-only as well as the dual-addicted person is showing up to meetings.

How does A.A. address this? Does A.A. address this? Are “addicts only” welcome? Is it conducive to the group purpose to introduce yourself as an addict or alcoholic/addict? How about if you have no problem with alcohol? Can A.A. still help you? And who enforces the Traditions anyway? These are questions I hope to answer with extensive clarity.

Do you or have you spent a large portion of your life insuring that people like you? Have you bent over backwards for people you may not even know, only to try to get them to like you? Do you or have you ever extensively worried whether someone likes you or not? If you seem to find yourself in a never-ending circle of not feeling good [or not liking yourself due to] caring too much about other peoples’ opinions or you seem to be the walking low self-esteemer then read this article that focuses on the 2nd Agreement: “Do not Take Anything Personally” from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements. You can escape this cycle. If I could then anyone can.

How often I was at the whim of the world, constantly waiting for permission to take care of myself…But now today, after having developed my voice and after readjusting my priorities to putting my spiritual growth as a priority over societal expectations, I notice just how many people are seemingly comfortable with the dis-ease that says, “We do have power over other people.” Is it any wonder why alcoholism, codependency, emotional and mental illness is growing now increasingly more common? (How many pills can big pharma really invent before we begin to notice the larger picture? it’s not us! it’s *societal dis-ease*!) From shaming and blaming techniques to manipulation and steamrolling tactics with “shoulding you* over what you *shoulda* done. Who are the few chosen to stand up in the face of this worldly dis-ease? If you choose to be one, I will stand with you as I share *my* stories and *my* experience, strength and hope. You are not alone. So take care of yourself. You ARE the most important person. [This is one of my longer articles but I hope it brings something of value to you.]

After several messages of friends online asking “How do I help an alcoholic friend stop drinking?” I knew, then, I needed to do something. Therefore I am going to offer some easy points. But before you take off with these points, I am sure to have some Al-Anons or Codependents who’ve arrived at this page and their mouths may be agape with the thought, “I knew it! I knew it was possible! I knew I could get him to stop drinking! They never told me this in Al-Anon!” Well. There is a little more to it than that. :)

I think we associate ‘No’ with negative as in negative feelings and negative consequences. I know I used to. As a child, being told ‘No” was usually accompanied by a look or a tone. As a result, I think I grew up thinking No was just ‘bad.’ As a further extension of this, I avoided saying it - ever. I would go so far as to end relationships in secrecy so I wouldn’t have to say No. I don’t know what I thought would happen - that the world would end?

‘Controlling codependent bitch’ was a term that showed up in my internet logs last night as a search. I feel the person’s pain who made that search. Sick of being controlled and manipulated by people in our lives until we’re overwraught ourselves to the breaking point. This article is an example of me being put to the test.

I’m done with Alcoholics Anonymous groups as a whole. I still go to private meetings who observe the Traditions and make it a point to do so but the last few public meetings I have been to haven’t felt okay with me. I’ve decided I am tired of constantly fighting for something I believe in while holding out my empty bucket waiting for it to get filled. I’ve left the sickness behind and my bucket is practically overflowing.

I want to reprint my thoughts on the difference between spirituality and religion. Here’s one way I’ve heard the difference phrased: “Religion is for people scared of going to hell. Spirituality is had by those who have been there.” I’d never been scared of going to hell so when I found myself there and escaped again, spirituality became my daily driving force. Not out of fear of going back to hell but out of love for what little heaven my life had started becoming.

I am the most important person. And it is all about me. This means if I want to help you, extend myself to you, or be of service to you, I have to put me first. This also means I don?t have to help you if I don?t want to and the reason is none of your business. If this sounds even kind of cutting edge to you…welcome to my world. It’s a great place to live.

Have you ever tried to give up sugar only to find your mood was better when you just had a little candy bar or added some sugar to your coffee? As we used to joke about sugar addiction, scientists and Ph.D.’s are now discovering we may not have been so off. With my experiences supporting it, I know the lengths I went to to escape the deadly poison I call sugar.

Or what about when I see someone trying to control me by punishing me. What if they really are trying to teach me a lesson or make me suffer? What about that? Is there such a thing as righteously thinking or really knowing someone is trying to punish, hurt, shame, blame me?

Don Miguel Ruiz’ book, The Four Agreements, started me on a spiritual journey that would lead me into renouncing the rules that kept me sick and suffering. These four agreements have transformed my life and I believe that when approached by anyone with an open mind - usually only those who have been mangled quite well - can transform their entire life’s approach.

I controlled the mismanagement by harming myself. I look at it as trying to drown it away, starve it away, crap it out, sweeten it up, and then cut it out. So what is codependency and why is it so harmful?

I define a codependent relationship to simply be any relationship in which one or both partner/s turn over their own autonomy for well-being into the hands of the other. The question then becomes: How can you heal from it after you recognize it?

God speaks to us. It’s no mystery or puzzle. God is not the enigma. We are. We ignore, avoid, run. God makes it quite plain no matter your path. You may justify it, deny it, cover it up, or hope so bad it to be different you let it go unnoticed but the signs are there.

Some people in A.A. would say that if you can get sober without A.A. then you are not a real alcoholic. These same people would say that unless you join A.A., and you are a real alcoholic, then you will not get sober. This article is going to prove how the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, itself, refutes that idea.

Somewhere in one of Melody Beattie’s books she makes it clear that when we grieve as we engage this process of recovery that we are not insane. Please do not let it absorb when anyone tries convincing you otherwise. Grief is not insanity. Grief may be painful but it’s not insane.

Alcoholics Anonymous? is *NOT* a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope by trying to get you to see that Jesus will save you. Members of A.A. who proclaim this message, no matter how implicit or benign, go against the very foundation A.A. is founded upon.