Your father is a sick man and I am sure with his health problems he knows this. I would suggest looking for an AA meeting nearby and if you want to, give the number to your Dad or call the AA place and see if a couple members would like to come to your home and talk with your father.

Maybe your father is under the impression he is hopeless. He is NOT. he *can* get better. Let him know that he can get better!

Find an AA meeting near where you live

I wish you luck and blessings and I wish your father hope.

Granted that the diabetes and schizophrenia analogy is a LOT less emotional right? I can see the difficulty. What I meant to say is that we would not fault the diabetic for having high blood sugar anymore than we’d fault the schizophrenic for hearing voices.

The problem with trying to view alcoholism this way is that alcohol changes the temperament and action and behaviors and perceptions and moods and priorities of the person afflicted - so it IS a great deal harder to look at it that way right?

I understand.

NOW. You wanted to know how his mind was working when he chose alcohol over you.

How his mind is working Some people afflicted with alcoholism KNOW they are afflicted and just don’t care. They feel so hopeless, helpless, and in pain without alcohol, that everything else can go bye-bye. If your beloved has made that choice - clearly it was a choice inflicted by his alcoholic mind but still and yet, his alcoholic mind resides within HIM.

You made him choose between his addiction - that ONE thing he feels he NEEDS - and you - a perceived luxury. Unless you were willing to walk away, giving this ultimatum is an effort in futility unless he was ready to try to learn a new way.

You know? It was like asking him to give up oxygen or going to DisneyLand. He’ll give up DisneytLand. This is the cursed phenomena of craving.

From what you are saying, he is in the grips of this awful disease. And I am so sorry for you.

PS> Tom - Thank you. Your words were very kind. I agree.

I f we had a detailed description of what his mind is like,it wouldn’t really help you.Addictions can level all other values.There is not a trick or maneuver that is going to get him to choose you over alcohol.The only thing that is going to get him over alcohol is him choosing it for himself.
Even if he chooses an option that gets him relief from his alcoholism,its going to be a whole new world for him.When its needed you cut off a dog’s tail once rather than inch by inch.Gradualism in ending an irreparable relationship isn’t kind to anyone.My sincere sympathy.

I had a relative who did that. She would not drink every day and/or all day but on some nights. And when she drank, she wouldn’t stop until she passed out. But in the interim of her buzz to pass out she would sadly reminisce of her life. I saw her pain and it saddened me.

All I could do was love her. When she got abusive on *me* is when I finally shared with how her drinking affected me. But even that did not stop her although she tried.

Alcoholism is insidious. And people do not recover unless they want to as well as work for it. So even wanting to recover isn’t enough. They have to work like hell to make permanent changes to their way of operating.

For you I would possibly suggest the Adult Child of Alcoholics support group or ACoA reading material.

After all. My *common sense* kept me alive this entire time even while drinking and being insane…why the hell would I abandon it now when I’m raw and trying to stay stopped from drinking?

Thanks for the information on seeking a physician’s assistance also. :) Come back and offer yourself anytime!