Living Within Samsara

Embracing the Journey
The Metaphysical, Manifesting, Spiritually Growing,
Karma Catching, Highly Sensitive Samsara

Mar 2007
Peace at All Costs
Posted in Codependency, Political, Philosophy, Iraq-War by samsara at 9:54 am |

I see the petitions for peace. I hear the pleas for an end to America’s somebody’s so-called “War on Terror.” I can’t help but think as I browse the internet, watch the news, read the opinions, and reflect on my own feelings, “Peace at all costs?”

Are people so hungry for peace amid turpitude that they are willing to overlook pieces [peace] of their soul for it? I say this because I worry. I know often, for me, when I see gross injustices occur I go completely opposite in order to counteract the injustices - somehow feeling that only my “yang” to the original “yin” could suffice in bringing about total and complete righteousness.

So I have been thinking about my ideas of peace and what they mean to me.

Gandhi, for example wasn’t a “peace at all costs” kind of leader. [Had he chosen peace he would never have opposed the British Empire. He would have gone on, keeping his head low and staying out of the way.] He was, however, for right-thinking and right-action.

Peace, when all is well, is right. Peace, when all is unwell, is wrong.

Peace, therefore, should not be my goal; For when things are right, peace will be a natural effect. What should be my continual goal is “well.” It is my strong feeling that if I seek peace first - I may absolutely get it and yet still be totally unwell.

Striving for right intention, right thinking and right action has always led to my peace. And when I say my peace I mean my peace inside of myself and that place where it allows me to sleep at night feeling safe and comforted. The kind of peace that I have only been able to achieve by living through my integrity. This kind of peace means that the world outside can be crumbling down and burning to my feet but if I have it - I won’t have the chaos inside. As a result, a paradigm shift occurs, my perceptions change, and all of a sudden I will see peace outside of me.

The trick to my being at this place has never been because I have sought and gained peace first. No. I have gotten to peace as the by-product of right intention, right thinking, and right action. I have gotten to peace through rooting out the problem first. So when I hear and see all the petitions on ending this Iraq “thing” I wonder if some people may be making the mistake of seeking peace first; Of seeking peace as the result.

Seeking peace ‘first’ may be harmful or dangerous

  • Wanting to keep peace within her family and not get her relative in trouble, a friend of mine suffered molestation from a small child into her married life. In the end - 15 or so years later - ?she ended up attacking her relative in defense of herself as her small child watched from his crib; Her family would end up discovering the truth when the police came.
  • Wanting to keep the peace, a friend, when the police were called, wouldn’t tell that her boyfriend had hit her. Not only did he continue to hit her but he knew then that she would not tell so the hittings continued into full and frequent beatings.
  • Wanting to keep peace, a family neglected to mention or discuss their relative’s continuing spiral into prescription pill use. Several years later, this relative would enter the world of street drugs and overdoses.
  • Wanting to keep peace and avoid ugly confrontation, family members all over the world tonight are overlooking and not discussing a family member’s alcohol consumption or the effects it’s manifesting.

Pardon the metaphors of trees and fruit - I’m feeling Biblical

To ignore a bad tree’s bad fruit for the sake of peace is really a lie. It’s really “pseudo-peace” because it’s pretend. You can’t really ignore the bad fruit - you just pretend to. You overlook it for whatever reason - it’s easier or you feel like it’s all you can do… But inside of us where our truth compass resides, we have the chaos and the sickness of eating the bad fruit. But many people still smile, chew and swallow and they think this is peace.

In this case, look to the tree. Cut it out at the bad root, burn it and then plant a healthy tree that will offer good fruit. The good fruit will offer peace. Internally it will nourish and sustain us, and externally we won’t be watching bad fruit rotting and pretending it’s not coming from a bad tree with a rotten root.

Deal with the problem causing the unrest and disharmony first.

Peace will follow.


Thanks for Living Within Samsara Article

Related Posts:
  • Mahatma Gandhi : Quest for Freedom
  • The U.S. is it’s Own Terrorist
  • About Samsara
  • What is Codependency?
  • A Relative’s Alcoholic Drinking Problem - A Memoir

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    7 Responses:

    BillyWarhol said:

    What an awesome Blog Post Samsara*

    I have to come back + read U in more depth - I am impressed*

    For some reason I think I was meant to land here*



    samsara said:

    Why thanks Billy Warhol! :))

    BillyWarhol said:

    I was doing an Ego Search on and lo and behold this Post came up on Page 4 so I landed here again!! Bizarre thing this Internet* ;) Peace*

    BillyWarhol said:

    I was doing an Ego Search on heaprDOTcom and lo and behold this Post came up on Page 4 so I landed here again!! Bizarre thing this Internet ;) Peace

    samsara said:

    good night! isn’t that crazy?? Hahaha. just more validation that when the universe is ready to show us something, we’re powerless!

    samsara said:

    ALMOST 2 yrs ago to the day we last had a conversation here. crazy!

    Help me, even if I am ashamed to ask I need help. said:

    I need help. I feel like I am being driven mad living with my current family and I know that I am part of the discord here. My dad has several personality disorders (Paranoid and Schizoid Personality disorders) and is diagnosed with a mental illness called Schizo-Affective Disorder (a combination of Schizophrenia and Depression).

    I am a senior level nursing student. From my psychiatric nursing class we learned that nothing can be done to fix personality disorders. We also learned that medications for mental illnesses are not true cures, they aren’t even quick fixes, since many only start to work after 4 weeks. My dad isn’t on any medications. He is ridiculously paranoid, extremely jealous and possessive, has hording problems (books and movies), has no job, has nothing to occupy his time with, and throws a constant pity party for himself. In short, he is very difficult to live with. But, there are times when he is lucid and father-like. Those times really break my heart, because I can never know when it’s okay to rely on him as my dad.

    So, it is Easter today and we have already had a huge family fight. My dad was scrubbing away at a painted wood chest until he took the finish off of it. As he was doing this, he blamed me for messing up the painted wood. I asked him to stop once I saw how much paint was coming off. Then I told him to stop. He started yelling that he wouldn’t have to keep cleaning it, if I hadn’t spilled stuff on it and let it dry. I began screaming at him to stop, because he was scrubbing the paint off of the chest, not some dried-on drink. He continued yelling and telling me that I was crazy. In truth, nothing had been spilled, but my Dad is often deluded about things. Actually, no one can really tell for sure if he is starting to hallucinate, but sometimes he will talk to himself for an hour straight…

    Either way, I wouldn’t let it the issue go. My brother started calling me a bitch and saying that I was too loud and my voice was “fucking annoying.” He said that he would come over and shut me the fuck up. That he would beat me until I was quiet. I reacted pretty negatively to this and continued disagreeing in a louder and more obnoxious voice. My brother threw a newspaper at my back and I reflexively grabbed it and turned to throw it back at him. He charged me and twisted my arm behind my back and threw me on the ground.

    Meanwhile my mom starts sobbing because we have ruined her “peace at all costs” motto. As my brother fought me, he knocked over a glass of juice and stained the carpet. My mom freaked out when she saw it, crying heavily, she ran into our garage to begin chain smoking. She said things like, “I hate my fuckng life. I’ll never forgive you. You ruined Easter. Why! WHY!”

    These were directed at me, no one else. I asked her how she could call me wrong. How could she justify my brother attacking me and my dad destroying things? How can she justify violence? I hadn’t done anything violent. My brother apologized to my mom for ruining the carpet. When she left to go smoke in our garage, my brother smacked me across the face with a wet washcloth. I was speechless. He tried to tell me to clean up the juice “I” spilled, but I threw it back at him and ran up to my room, crying.

    Now my brother is down there soothing my crying mother and badmouthing my name. He’s cleaning up the mess he made when he attacked me and telling my mom that she should just get rid of me and kick me out of the house. My dad is in the background, slowly destroying the chest as he continued to “clean up” my “mess.” I can hear him saying, “she’s manic, I can’t believe she did all of this because of paint.”

    Listen, I know it was wrong to yell and carry on, but did that really justify things being thrown at me like an animal, being pummeled, punched, and thrown onto the ground? I have his scratch marks on my arms and they are STILL seeping blood an hour later. My brother is 6 feet and 4 inches tall. He weighs over 300lbs.

    All I want to do right now is call the police. But the only thing stopping me is the fact that I can’t believe it’s come to this. When I think of my family, I DO NOT THINK OF JERRY SPRINGER. I cannot beleive how destructive and voilent my brother is. His mood switches on a dime and he becomes SO violent. And he feels entirely justified to do what he likes to other people. He has no regard for other people. He literally uses others constantly to get what he wants and is incapable of doing things for others. He is constantly calling me, my sister, or my father names. The only one he is not outright abusive towards is my Mom. But he uses her like a bank. If someone dying in the street asked him for help he would say, “What can you do for me?” That is the type of perosn my older brother is. He feels entitled.

    I tried to talk to my mom again but she just says that I’m wrong for yelling. And I yelled at her and told her “keep crying, you deserve it! If you think it’s okay to hurt other people and destroy shit, you deseve to hate your life. I don’t pity you. You’re the one who married him [my dad] and you’re the one who decided to keep him. And you’re the one lying to yourself. You won’t get him help and he’s driving everyone crazy. And YOU”RE SON! I can’t beleive you’re defending him. Your son just beat me up and threw me on the ground! How is that okay? Why will you talk to him and not me? Why can he hug you and tell you it’ll be alright when he’s just as comfortable threatening to kill me and then acting on it??? Is he your favorite or something? Can he do no wrong? He can throw things at me like I’m an animal and destroying things! How is that okay? How am I more wrong than him for yelling at Dad to stop peeling away the paint on our furniture?? How am I being violent!!!???” Then she proceeded to tell me that I was no better than my brother OR my dad. She told me that I’m that I “drove” my brother to violence, because I got louder after he called me a bitch.

    So she can make excuses up for him… that’s nothing new.

    But, I am really losing sight of my sense of right and wrong, here. I need a third-party opinion. And that is why I am posting this humiliating response to an article about “peace at all costs.”

    Does the volume of my voice by default make me incorrect? I don’t know anymore. I want to say, “no.” Because, it’s not like my message was wrong, just the volume of it. And I tried to handle things reasonably at first, but you really can’t reason with my dad. I never thought my brother would get involved and begin physically abusing me while my two parents turn their backs and later tell me I deserve it.

    My mom doesn’t even see shades of black or white. It’s peace at all costs. In school we learned that “peace at all costs” is a sign of a dysfunctional family. She tells me that my books, my instructors are all wrong. That peace is the only way, that it is the “higher road.”

    According to my mom, because I objected to what my dad was doing, I broke the peace. And because she didn’t want to pick sides against her mental-case husband, I was told to stop being a bitch and shut up or I would be beaten. And because I would not let it go my brother did beat me. He said, “it’s your fault. I gave you fair warning. You wouldn’t quit.”

    My brother doesn’t try to keep the peace, like my mom does. He is just selfishly motiviated. He doesn’t care who is right or who is wrong as long as he isn’t bothered. But, apparently my loud voice bothered him. And there you go. Because he got involved, things became violent and destructive.

    In the end, my mom’s holy holiday is ruined. In the end my brother is happy he got to work out his stress on a human punching bag. In the end my dad is still slowly wiping away all of the paint in one spot on that painted chest, while muttering things to himself. And because I told my mom that she deserved to have her holiday and all the hard work she did (cleaning the house and making food) ruined, my younger sister won’t even listen to what happened when I try to explain myself.

    In the end, I am in my room, bleeding, crying, and confused about how things become like this in the first place. I’m googling “why is peace at all costs wrong?” Because, I need help sifting through the feelings of injustice and hurt. What is the punishment I deserved for yelling at my dad? How much harm did my yelling warrant?

    My mom tells me that I am violent and need to be on medication because I disagree with her “peace at all costs” jargon. All she does is compare me unfavorably to my older brother or my younger sister or my father. I know that my mom has hard life providing for all of us, but I do everything I can to cook, clean, and shop for her when she’ll let me. When she is sick, I’m the only one who cares enough to check on her. What the hell has happened to make her hate me? Everything I do, even my major, is something that I have done to please her or make her proud. I am miserable here, but I can’t stop worrying about her safety (around my violent brother and my rapidly deteriorating schizophrenic father). No one else lifts a finger to help her but me. So why on earth does she hate me so much? Why am I the most disappointing of her children? I’m not as smart as my brother and I’m nowhere near as pretty or feminine as my sister… I am plain and I have failed delayed my own graduation by failing a class…. I know I”m not perfect, but I am sick to death of being compared to everyone all of the time.

    How to I obtain peace? All I want is a normal family. I cannot stay here. My life only continues to become worse the longer I stay here. But I do not have the means to support myself. And I don’t want to hate my family the way I do now. I know that life is going to be too hard if I can’t rely on my family for support. But all I get here is abuse. And it is changing me into someone who is quick to become defensive and argumentative. I can’t stand the injustices and abuses that are allowed to go on every day. But no one cares to change or point them out or fix them. It makes me sick. It makes me want to kill myself. I have no idea what to do. But I know that I want the peace you described in this article.

    What should I do to obtain peace when everything and everyone around me is destructive and chaotic????

    I feel like going to the moon wouldn’t put enough distance between me and my family…. And, it’s impossible to live without them. I won’t have any means to support myself until I graduate. What should I do??

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