Rick, What a courageous man you must be to share your story. I was so happy to have found your site. To see someone recovering one day at a time and on the internet…being brave and discussing the new life so honestly… THAT is what inspires ME. THAT’s what keeps me just loving doing what I do, writing what I write and sharing the experience, strength, and hope.

You are one powerfully inspiring man.

But thanks for thinking every sentence worthy. I don’t think even I could make that claim. ;)

But no. Unfortunately that is not the problem. If that were the problem, then people who had “good” solid strong moral characters [like I had] would not be prone.

Let me explain it like this…

It’s a physical compulsion. it starts like that. For example. Take a social drinker and an alcoholic and sit them side by side and give us both a drink.

[Yes, me. I’ve had nothing to drink for over five years…morally I’m all set…I’ve made my amends, have been living in honesty and in truth…are kind to others, do volunteer work, have no demons haunting me, etc…]

The social drinker though. Is CEO of a corporation that has several lawsuits. He’s been charged in the past with money laundering and RICO crimes. He cheats on his wife, hits his kids and kicks the family dog. He also has a gambling problem he hides from his wife; he’s a daytrader with a compulsion to have sex with hookers. I really do know “non-alcoholic”  people like this.

Give us both a vodka tonic. Then make us sit there. I may start to exhibit some symptoms like shaking my foot or leg. I will start to feel jumpy inside. I will begin experiencing this feeling of *have to have more.* He’ll sit there and stare at me, wondering what’s wrong with me.The proctor gives us two more drinks. I drink mine pretending to be sociable about it…He drinks his, really not caring one way or the other…just wants the experience over so he can get his $100 and go gamble.I’ve had two and so has he…Our inhibitions start loosening. I ask for another before the time limit of an hour. He starts asking when is the experiment over. He is focused on his life AFTER this. I am focused on the drinks now.

So it goes.

This is the symptomology of an alcoholic. It’s a live physical compulsion that occurs after alcohol is introduced into the system. Social drinkers do not have this. Also, us alcoholics [even in recovery] do not get how you regular people can drink only half a drink. We laugh about it…NOT getting it. LoL

I appreciate your comments EnoughisEnough and I appreciate your honesty Asithi. That was brave. Most earth people would never confess thinking that but we all know they do anyway. :)

But then again, I would not understand since I have never felt that need to escape that badly before.